So posting this is pretty scary. Actually it's fucking ter-ri-fy-ing. I have been on my journey for 5 years but could never bring myself to post throughout it because I was too ashamed.
But this is me. This girl has felt lost, depressed, insanely unattractive and worthless... I'm not talking about the one on the left, I'm talking about both of them.
We never speak about the mentality we bring with us in our transition. I would love to tell you that life got 100% better after my dramatic weightloss. Don't get me wrong, it did get better, health wise and feeling like I was achieving something. With time I realized though, in my mind, that I was using weightloss to find my place in the world. I was striving to gain self worth from my weightloss and to finally 'be normal,' which just wasn't a realistic expectation, or a healthy one.
I am not totally there yet, but I've come a long way in terms of loving myself. I still find problems and things I'd change about my body if I could, but I also find things that I want no different. Things that I do love about me. Its a working progress but through this journey I've come to realize some things, so if you're still reading please know this: the most important relationship you will ever have in your life is with yourself, and what you see when you look at you or think about yourself as a person. No amount of weightloss, makeup, gym, surgery, diet, etc will help you love yourself to the full extent if you don't see that you are worth something regardless of where you are right now in your life. You will always find things you don't like if you're looking for them. So instead, embrace all that you are and be kind to yourself, because its needed to make that important positive impact in your life. Knowing that you matter. Before your journey, during it, afterwards, and just as you are right now. ❤️
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